Paycheck Prioritizer Gifts

Why do you want a career in the bank?

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

The Evolution of the Bonus

Monday around 9PM.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

Work Life Balance.

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'He's trying to see more of his family.'

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

"Apparently, we don't negotiate for a pay rise anymore. We have to put forward a case for not taking a pay cut."

Sitting In

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."

"The bad news is your pay will now be performance-based. The good news is they've just raised the minimum wage."

"We will have to go back. The dog wants to go out."

"Don't even bother asking for a raise. He'll just tell you to go to Hell."

Thought for Wednesday

'My pay cheque is late. I'm imposing economic sanctions.'

'Now that I'm separated and the kids are gone, I plan to spend a lot more time with the family.'

'So much for 'pay peanuts and you get monkeys' - the monkey says he won't touch the job for less than ten grand and benefits.'

'Doc, when I had a look at my salary statement, I got a motivation leak'!

'To be honest, I did expect a better bonus this year.'

'Risk assessor' in laboratory

"Leave me alone, I'm prioritizing my week."

"I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you right back?"

'I can't afford a season ticket and clothes.'