Paternity Tester T-Shirts

'I demand a DNA test.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

'I'll take him.'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"Your meal sounded nice."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

Avocado Timeline

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs on the Maury show: "I have the DNA results right here!"

Big Burgers.

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

One latte? That'll be $4.50. That apple fritter sounds good. I'll have that too. Ok. Anything else? No, that's it. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. That's all. That'll be $9.00 even. Ooh, are those macaroons fresh? I'll have a macaroon too. One latte, one apple fritter and one macaroon, and that's it. Well what are you waiting for? I don't have all day.

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

The interminable!