Patent Procudure Fan Gifts

'You'll have to disrobe... what I have here is a new improved Proctoscope.'

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

'I got fired, Amy... I hate it when that happens!'

"I'm sorry, I didn't pack it, but I'm guessing you can find a stick."

'He's the bluesman's bluesman.'

"Thanks for the leaf blower! I'm putting it to good use."

'What do you mean; 'I should burn less fuel to save the environment'? I only discovered fire this morning.'

"Hello? JS electrical? It's about this flat screen television I purchased from you."

'I don't know whether we should call the world pres or keep quiet?'

"Factominiums."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

Fireplace Projector.

Jazz Bagpipes

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'I imagine you're interested in one of the more highly visible occupations?'

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'No, it's not one of those fake arrows. I had my head pierced.'

'It's all hand made.'

"I consider the day a success when I leave the office and have to tiptoe through pieces of broken paradigm!"

It says he invented super glue.

Inventor of a time travel machine

A man in a hospital bed has his ski boot act as a counterweight for his broken leg.

Wheel

Dave could never work out how he lost his nose stud.

'You nonconformists are all the same.'

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

'Like them? They mean, we're engaged to be engaged!'

Efficiency Expert Greeting

"There's no room in our apartment for Ed's man cave, so he had to improvise."

Bob invents the Zero Gravity Light Bulb.

'I've found a cafe just 300 yards from where you're standing. We could meet their for a latte.'

You may kiss the bride but be careful of her lip piercings.

'I used to roll in the mud to cool down, but I don't need to now that I have an air-conditioner...'

Person springing a leak after body piercing