Pastoral Nostalgist T-Shirts

"I grew up on a farm. In fact, I learned to ride a horse before I could walk!"

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

The Paper Route

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

"Don't make me turn this woolly mammoth around!"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

If you give a mouse a french cookie

'If only Darwin could have seen this!'

'You said you wanted to start reading the newspaper online.'

Rapunzel as a child.

I suppose industrial pollution is the price of progress, but I still miss that old world atmosphere.

'If we could just sink Noah's Ark, think of the variety of food we could sample...'

'I didn't know people still played footsie.'

Boys happy playing and singing in the snow and ice

"I'm looking for a day care provider. . . besides TV."

'Dad...why would I ever want to get out of the first grade? I love first grade!'

"Someday we'll look back on these and-times and be really envious."

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

Old Geriatric Hitchhiker holding a sign saying 'Last Fling',

"O.K., now, when a teacher comes out, everybody look straight up."

Santa delivering newspapers

'Elm and Oak? The streets were named after trees that were here before the developers cut them down.'

Did you see our favorite comic strip today. The oldy Oldersons. Lemme see! Jebediah Drake's The Oldersons by Abner Drake, Jr. Oldena, you know, I can never tell the difference between pastrami and corned beef. Don't be so rye. Hilarious! But you know what bothers me? It's only in 95% of newspapers. Some papers are replacing it with new strips. What?! Mobilize the troops! The most powerful political group in America: AARC. The American Association of Retired Cartoon Readers. Give us Oldy or give

Times Change in Camden Town

"...and I'm saying we would've been here a lot quicker if we had used the SatNav rather than follow that stupid star."

'Do you want to tell him or should I?'

'Master corrected me with a newspaper... the Sunday Edition.'

Victorian mother and daughter.

'Did you know, when dad was a kid, he nursed a baby bird back to health with an eyedropper?' 'So, he's not the gruff parent he pretends to be?'

'Which tape shall we watch, the wedding or the honeymoon?'

'Thanks, boy. But I'm reading the paper off-line today.'