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"I won't bring back the dead, make people fall in love, or help them remember their passwords—the first two are rules—the last one is just because I’m sick of being asked."

$1: Family Secrets

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

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'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

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"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

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'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

Two men converse secretively

"It's got my current Wordle winning streak on it."

"This can't be soup....where are all the little letters that usually float in it?"

What security flaw?

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"My new antivirus software makes my computer self destruct if someone tries to hack into it. I mistakenly hit the wrong key when typing in my password."

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"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."

'Your acceptance is tentative until we can rule on the question of your knowingly using pirated software.'

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'