Passionate Party Hosts Gifts

'That was our first ashtray... we both quite and now we use it as a candy dish.'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Wine Lady

Join me in a Martini?

Aprons

Party time.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Barbecue

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Mini Bar

'I'd say you're a little late...'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

'Hey hon, everyone and their dog is here!'

'He's been shot!'

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

Scarecrow jumps out of a birthday cake and then catches on fire.

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

'Just bring a few hundred sausages, plenty of wine and of course your barbeque.'

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

'But the invitation says 'come as you are'.'

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.