Party Paradox Pillows

"I feel like the only pole vaulter in here."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

Balancing two espresso martinis

"I am so attracted to you right now."

The devil you know and his plus one

Shaken not stirred

That party went well.

Beers

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Why can't you ever relax at parties?"

Whale Piñata.

Angry wife: 'Oh well DONE Keith! Why didn't you tell me the invite said BRING your own spirits?!'

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'