Partner With An Eye For Irony Pillows

A Truism's Journey

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

"Nothing can be done about crime unless you deal with the root causes in the environment."

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"I think we have an ant problem"

I'm sorry, but Mr. Peters isn't seeing anyone today. He's busy maintaining his deniability.

'Wow, I hate to be disturbed when I'm enjoying a good brew, too.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

"I had a dog but got rid of him when it became clear that he wasn't going to get a job."

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"An algorithm matched us as soul mates, and yet it can't suggest a movie we both want to watch."

'At the end of the day, I always feel I could have done less!'

Deer laughing at hunter caught in a snow drift.

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

'What happened to Al's Bait Shack?'

'And I'm telling you, mister, that a cocktail served with no ice can't be a genuine 'Titanic' cocktail!'

So I said to them - what do you want, the shirt off my back?

Beware of the Reformed Character: ' ... by this point I realised that I was carrying a lot of anger around and I needed to address that, so ...'

"Yeah, single origin coffee - from this pot."

Slimmer's baguette.

'Yeah, I know he's a slacker...but I just gave him a bonus because he always looks like he's busy!'

Syringe being bent by a tattoo of a knight in armour.

Two poachers confronting a child

'In ten more years we could retire if we had jobs...'

'Employees are our most important asset. With that in mind, we're terminating assets to improve our profit margin.'

"If anyone's interested in taking over Ed's Instagram account, see me after the service."