Participating In A Talent Show T-Shirts

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

"Our next act...Cruzini, the world's greatest magician!"

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

The Drummer

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Piers Morgan.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Trump commissions song

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

The Ox Factor

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"

Mic Drop

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'Congratulations on reaching the grand final, how does it feel to be the biggest loser of all time?'

'You call that carol singing?'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

The ocean is no place for a star.

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'