Parking Lot Vigilante Pillows

"I don't prey on the old, sick, or lame, I prey on the healthy who park in the handicapped spots."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

"Beware of God"

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'Could we have a little chat when you're through here?'

Don't even dream of parking here.

"I saw the guy who cut me off on the highway get pulled over by a police officer!"

Ace Towing.

'I thought putting it up there would deter ordinary folk from using it.' (Disabled Parking Space).

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'How bad can hell be? At least the road to there is paved!'

Traffic avenger

What a hypochondriac --- He's always turning on his "check engine" light!

'I'm moving your desk up here on the roof. That way you can keep an eye on my Cadillac in the parking lot.'

"I'm going back to shopping at the mall. Trying to find the car in the parking lot was the only exercise I got."

Gym. Looks like you had a great workout! I just walked in from the parking lot!

Rail UnFare Rise

"That's it! Visiting time is over!"

"...can't find a spot outside, can I park here?"

Human Cull: People who do a slow breast stroke in the fast swimming lane.

"Of course I don't need a Doctor, I'm saving this parking space"

'Just calling to let you know that driving while talking on a cell phone is illegal in this state.'

Digby's a former airline pilot--- he always looks three ways before crossing.

Arnold had only himself to blame. He knew that trading in pirate videos was illegal.

"Who needs to go off-roading?"

Find the idiot who keeps parking in my spot. Reserved for God.

There's always some jerk taking up two parking spots.