Paris Pundit Gifts

Paris experiences worst flooding in 30 years

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Fact amnesty"

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

Official Rhetoric About Leakers and Whistleblowers, Translated

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

Voice of the GOP

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"We're TV pundits debating the issues."

'This mindless blather is edited for TV.'

"I hope it's not contagious."

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

"Yes, we can hear well at the back, but I'd be happy to change seats with anyone who can't..."

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

'Ok cup cake looks like its time to meet your maker.'

Ostrich with head buried in newspaper

"That's not Earth! I knew you were too proud to use the GPS!"

Before you read the Guardian, ask yourself: do I need to?

'If voting in elections really changed anything the politicians wouldn't allow it!'