Parenting With Humor Pillows

"I want something that will make my kids notice me. Do you have anything that smells like a phone?"

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Trick or Tweet

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'