Parenting Under Pressure Mugs

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

State Prison Child Care

Wait until your father . . . Oh!

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

New dunce caps

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

'We need a dog!'

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

Daughter/psychiatrist

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

'Sleeping like a baby'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'