Parent Under Pressure Mugs

'I'm introducing a new system of speeding up the housekeeping chores.'

'Stop complaining. It's the only way you can afford to live in the school catchment area.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

New dunce caps

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

'We need a dog!'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

Daughter/psychiatrist

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

State Prison Child Care

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"

I'm late. Nothing you can say will convince me to drive you to school. O.K. Slam!

Poker Moms

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."