Parenting Story Collector T-Shirts

'I just had the 'facts of life' talk with our son, I can't believe what I learned.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Who's Dead

Newborn making the V-sign

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Aladdin's Cave of Wonder

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

I've heard that you've beaten the Hare, so I've come to challenge you...

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

"We met online."

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

"My five-year-old would never do that."

Chicken Little Update: "Drones are dropping packages!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

Humpty's Mom

Football Manager's Parrot

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'