Parenting Story Collector T-Shirts

'I just had the 'facts of life' talk with our son, I can't believe what I learned.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Newborn making the V-sign

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Who's Dead

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

(Preschool for Dummies)

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

Aladdin's Cave of Wonder

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

I've heard that you've beaten the Hare, so I've come to challenge you...

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

Football Manager's Parrot

"We met online."

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

Humpty's Mom

Evil Queen

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"My five-year-old would never do that."

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'