Parenting Pros Pillows

"We won't know till they're older which one is the evil twin."

'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

'Don't blame me. They won't let me pray in school.'

'We punish them equally, Marge, but we favor the boy.'

'Kids! I've asked you to clean up you bedrooms 7 times now!!!'

It's the only crossing guard they can afford.

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

Quiz: Why is your two-year old so quiet

'I'm just saying if our nanny can afford a nanny then we're paying too much.'

Pardon me! My being born was your idea, not mine!

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

'Yes, bedwetting can be an issue, but there's no need to make a big deal of it...'

"We don't want you inviting friends over to play. There are liability issues."

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

'Oh my God, we've been burgle- ... oh wait, I just remembered, we've got children.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'You just wait until your father gets home.'

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

'That's our new Incontinence Specialist.'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Mrs. Jennings, can Billy come out and smoke?"

"Don't be scared, David! Mommy's here with your crumb of validation."

"Well, of course mommy and daddy are also said it's back to school time."

"Before you know it they've got legs and they're swimming all over the place."

"I worry that monkey bars aren't safe."

"Look Dad! I made potty all by myself!"

"Going to the beach with kids Sand in eyes, food, crevices Chasing after them with sun cream Frantically checking they haven't been kidnapped or swept out to sea Enjoying it"

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."