Parenting Prodigy Pillows

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'The doctor is ready to see you, Teddy...Bring your handler!'

'Maybe tomorrow.'

"Should we wake her before she wakes us?"

"I know at least two people who will sleep easier with him behind bars."

'He was offered a role in a sitcom and has the potential to be a successful child actor. We've already set up a legal defense fund.'

'And the coolest dad of the year award goes to... Dr. Armstrong for his note, 'to whom it may concern, my son is allergic to homework'.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'I think I'm losing it, man. I can't think of a weird name for our baby.'

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"What're you in for?"

'Environmentalists do too take baths!'

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

"If it's not 'clean you room', it's 'take out the trash' or 'mow the lawn'. . . I can't wait 'til I'm an adult and I can boss around my kids!"

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Still believe leaders are born not developed?"

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'

"How is it gendered?"

"Viola player coming through!"

Gracie for Queen...of the universe.

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'If he starts early enough, he could be the next Rory Mcilroy.'