Parenting Podcast Fan Gifts

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Growth Charts

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Time for bed, guys."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Therapy for babies.

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'