Parenting Giggler Pillows

'Hey your hair is on backwards!'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

The relay race

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Man emerges from baby changing room, having changed his baby for a crate of beer.

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'It's a model to study stress...these mice all have long commutes, dead end jobs and out of control kids.'

Two breasts: No waiting

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

'Do you realize that you have several passages of scripture right on the tip of your tongue?'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

'We've put Father O'Brien in charge of minor sins.'

A Foot Guard being teased by children.

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

"After trying to start a family for so long, our doctor suggested a radical approach. . . sex! On every conceivable occasion.""

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."

'Help' Kid's text messaging charges.'

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

'Even at your age, Norman, getting an STD is nothing to be pleased about.'