Parenting Escapologist Pillows

Time for Yourself.

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

Houdini's infancy.

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'Out of office - Please leave your emails in the inbox next door.'

Houdini 2019

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"If my husband finds out about us. . .listen, we must cover our tracks so well that no one believes that dinosaurs and humans existed at the same time!"

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"I'm un-retiring today. Spending time with my family with hell."

"This biography of Harry Houdini has binding on all four sides!"

Danny always had trouble with math. (written on board: Ohio is the capital of Wisconsin.'

Mom? Any chance you could take the kids to your friend's lake cabin? Trying to get them out of your house? Roger. I want to put the vacate" back in vacation.

"I'm out if that is a manufacturer."

"Now that the kids are in jail, maybe we can take the vacation we always wanted."

Desert Island Game

For days when students are simply out of control, teachers at Callaway Junior High are equipped with ejection seats and parachutes.

In Case of Emergency Break Glass.

'Sounds like all the kids are already here for the labor day picnic... I think I'll wait in the car.'

"Your babysitter just rang, she wants to know where you keep your condoms?"

"You didn't tell the kids where we moved to, did you?"

'The entire building has settled seven inches since the first day of school due to the weight of the students' backpacks.'

Halfway around the learning curve, Bob lets go.

"This is Munch's 'Sent to all by mistake'."

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"You haven't said a word to me all night."

Boo!

Screen Limits

"Let's mix things up this Thanksgiving. Instead of all of us going to your folks', let's just drop off the kids, drive away and never look back."

"Oh, we don't worry about the kids moving back in with us. We didn't leave a forwarding address."

"Gone to the football match."

"Help! I don't know how to leave a conversation!"