Parenting Chaos Enthusiast T-Shirts

Two children play with a pedal bin

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

Feeding the baby

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'We need another refrigerator, Mom.'

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'