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Children Influenced By Parent's Behaviour

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Ah...here they are!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

The modern generation!

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Toilet Training

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!