Parenting Advice Explorer Gifts

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

It's a Boy

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Constructing your own prison!

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

Baby with projectile vomit

"It gets easier the second time."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'Baby escape.'

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

Temptation.

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"Go ask your mother."

"Beware of children."

"Now can we have an eating experience?"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."