Parenting Advice Explorer Gifts

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

It's a Boy

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

Constructing your own prison!

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

Baby with projectile vomit

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"It gets easier the second time."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'Baby escape.'

Temptation.

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"Go ask your mother."

"Beware of children."

"Now can we have an eating experience?"