Parenthood Satirist T-Shirts

"I exiled the lot of them. How are your kids?"

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Mothership

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'I dressed myself.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

Dad Dancing.

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

12 step program