Parenthood Navigators Gifts

'Oh, Sweetie, look, Daddy's fitting a new car seat for baby.'

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up every hour during the night."

"I bought a vending machine off the Internet. Now we don't have to stop for snacks along the way. But, there may be a slight problem getting it into the car."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'How many fingers do you see?'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

D-Day (Dad Day)

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers