Parenthood Journey Pillows

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"I'm so good at this!"

Young Gums

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"