Parenthood Jester Gifts

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Baby pram as a tank

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'She said her first words today.'

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."

"All rise."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

IVF assessment centre.

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'