Parental Sleep Deprivation Expert Pillows

Cry babies.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I'm so good at this!"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

Center For Sleep Deprivation

Doctor with Teddy - "Take this. It will help you sleep."

Grants & Recipients

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'These hibernation pills ought to do the trick.'

"At first it was difficult having a new baby. But now I'm doing fine!"

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

'How can you sleep at night?'

'A cure for insomnia is a good night's sleep.'

Sleep Disorder Research.

'I think I'm having an out-of-body experience.'

'I finally got Benson to get to the job on time. My next chore is to keep him awake on the job.'

'I think you went trampling in your sleep again.'

'It was bad enough that Cheryl fell asleep at the office.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

The Slumber Party.

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'

'What did you say? You suggested me to COUNT sheep to fall asleep? I thought you told me to EAT sheep...'

Insomniacs Anonymous - No Snoring

'The teddy bear and blankie are the only sleep aids the doctor had that aren't addictive.'

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

'We're making progress on my insomnia. My foot went to sleep last night.'

Narcolepsy in relationships.

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.