Parental Pleaser Pillows

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'The kids were so sweet...'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Werewolves of London..."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Baby's first two-step.'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Where do I put the batteries?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"He looks just like your husband."

Circus Act

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!