Parental Pleaser Gifts

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'The kids were so sweet...'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Werewolves of London..."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Baby's first two-step.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

"He looks just like your husband."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Circus Act

"Wheeeeeeee!"