Parental Advisory Panelist Gifts

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

Warring parents

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'You look down, son. You wanna rock about it?'

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

'It's making me happy.'

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

'Oh, Daddy's old gun?... I think he's planning on showing it to you. He always said, it was there in case I ever brought a boyfriend home.'

"By our estimates, it's going to take two villages to raise Joey."

"My Mom thinks I should clean my room. I'd like a second opinion."

'Careful Darling, my mum always said 'beware of strangers bearing gifts'...'

"Can I can go to a party?"

'I should have listened to my parents and not run away to join the circus...'

Researching Life's Deepest Questions! How do I keep tabs on my daughter's internet use? How do I block my mother online?

'Now that I'm old enough to watch these TV shows without parental supervision, they don't interest me.'

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'