Parent Whisperer Gifts

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"Mom can really push my buttons. She installed them."

A Tit for Tat.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

"Foster failure"

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'The child is very illogical'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

Hush puppy.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Mother Nature

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"He's such a fussy eater."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.