Parent-teacher Conference Veteran Gifts

"I only talk down to your child because he's shorter than me."

A Puppet Named Juan

"In economics, I got an IOU."

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

Common Core Family Therapy

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"In fact, the work's been so good that we question whether it's Will's own."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"I'm sorry-his I.Q. is actually on the charts."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

Stork Story.

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

Obama in schools.

'She's taking Chinese and algebra this semester. Go on, Francine, speak a little algebra for them...'

We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow.

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

'It's not my fault. Bad grades wouldn't matter if I had been born rich.'

Eskimo mom to kid: 'I can't believe you had a brain freeze during the test on the Ice Age.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"