Parent On A Mission Pillows

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

They Removed my Brain.

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'You've lost it Dad - It's gone into that little hole with the flag in it.'

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

"Yes, the French only eat the legs, but we're not French! We eat the whole frog!"

Life hasn't been the same since Mum took up taekwondo!

"We need to hurry to your next extracurricular activity before the void of my unfulfilled ambitions catches up."

When travel soccer leagues get out of control.

Dear, I think Alayna needs to be burped again.

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

Popeye in the maternity waiting room "It's a buoy"

'My little boy broke my violin.'

'If I had my time over again, I'd be too young to go out with boys.'

"Pack me a lunch Mom, I'm off to the mission field."

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

'You're taking the baby to daycare? Great! I'm way late for work!'

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leave every few months...'

'I nominated you for class mother elections and you won.'

"Where was I? I was either away from my desk or in a meeting."

'Completely unacceptable. I don't know how any son of mine could… Oh. OK, I see you even failed the DNA test.'

'The novelty's sort of worn off with the first one so we thought it was time to have another.'

'You'll never learn to walk if you don't FOCUS!'

"Do you have something more befitting a 6th grader?"

'...'your gifted' son - could you remind me what those gifts were?'

"I have a fun Mother's Day planned out for you."