Goal-driven Parent Pillows

"We need to hurry to your next extracurricular activity before the void of my unfulfilled ambitions catches up."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Yummy Mummies

Jeff's Smorgasbord

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"We're hoping that someday Rosalie will be a major player in the creative economy."

"It's a GPS for busy executive mom. It tells you if your coming or going and when you'll get there!"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"You can't have dessert until you eat all of your people nuggies."

Baby car seat for a Native American.

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'Thanks for the offer to baby sit him, and don't worry, he's not a fussy eater: Any dung you can find will do...'

Be A Doctor

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

Beating Dad at Chess.

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

Soccer Moms Without Kids.

We fell asleep on the hayride.

"Having a mom who works for the Pentagon has its perks."

'Now might be a good time to tell you I'm gay.'

"And if you don't finish your vegetables, Daddy will take you to a Knicks game."

'I'm not waiting for luggage; I just bring the kids here to play.'

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"Be there in a sec, darling. I just want to touch base with Tiffany."

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)