Parent-child Duo Gifts

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

Boy on father's knee

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Young Godzilla.

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

'Dad, try to catch some jellyfish to go with my peanut butter.'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'Let daddy know if you get a bite.'

'Do you think Mum and Dad are trying to keep an eye on us, by enroling on the same university course as us, Colin?'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

"Can Mommy borrow your baby-blue pinafore tonight, sweetie?"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned susidiary of you and Mom?'

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

'It's a tough world, son. You inflate. You get kicked around all your life. Then one day - bam! You deflate.'

As a boy, Isaac Newton ignored his father's advice to persevere, preferring instead to let things drop.

'Ask your other father.'

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"My mom still makes all my clothes by hand."

'Pick up your feet when you walk.'

"You can be whatever you want to be, but you'll probably turn out like me."

'I've got to have a talk with my mother. She thinks the stork brought me.'

Naive.

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

"Daddy, would you text me a bedtime story?"

'Young man, face it. There's not going to be a regime change around here!'