Paradise Pundit Pillows

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

Offshore paradise

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Self Service Island

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

'An they have the nerve to call this heaven!'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'...Well if this is heaven, why aren't you using a Mac?'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

Not so heavenly

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'Missin' rib, snake, guilt, eviction. . . and not a Stress Counsellor in sight!'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.

"I hope it's not contagious."

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

"Wow! I guess you CAN 'take it with you', after all!"

"Eighty percent polyester."