Parable Participant Gifts

'Jason and the Argosnaughts.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Oh, come in Blevins. I was just thinking about you."

'Yes, that person there...'

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

"Your priorities change once you get a new toy."

The Good Samaritan.

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

"Take a parable."

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"...Apparently we're responsible for snow removal on that stretch of highway we adopted."

Al Baldasaro

Lost dog/Lost Sheep posters

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

'Lower.No,lower. A way lower. - Under the arms.Under the arms! Around his chest! OK listen...- Do you want to learn the Heimlich manoeuvre or not?!!!'

Hillary Clinton

Voter Rights

"Honey, all we want is what's quiet for us."

"Our new MP promised a new politics, no more sleaze...a focus on local issues, on local needs. He said he wanted to be an old fashioned constituency MP."

Alcoholics Eponymous

You've tried to get them kicked out of Eden for eating pears, bananas, mangoes and plums: Try apples this time...

Parables and Sermons

Adan and Eve.

"AIDS awareness...immigration...voter registration..tackling dropout rates... We can make this country better if we all commit to getting active!"

Government surveillance has got me worried. What if it turns out Uncle Sam is collecting millions of phone records? But not mine. What if millions are under surveillance, but not me? How fair is that? Medical surveillance might be appropriate.