Paperback Preacher Pillows

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Thou Shalt Not!

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

Two Generations of Readers

Dogma

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"That's the preacher's dog."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'