Papacy Gifts

Pope Francis

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Night-time halo

Ghostwriting the Bible

God Sneezes Out Creation

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.