Pope Gifts

Holy Mackerel

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

Papal elections.

"Slow down or I'm out."

"Oh, crap. Hat hair again."

Mitre cosy

Employees entrance.

Pope tired of travelling.

'Well I wasn't expecting him to leave through that door!'

I'm not pontificiating, am I?

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

Faithbook

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Big Shoes To Fill For A New Pope.

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

1154 - Election of Adrian IV the first English pope.

The ten ammendments

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

They hated me.

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'