Panic Buying Satirists T-Shirts

British Weather Bureau Symbols

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

Flush Direct

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Financial Christmas

"I know we don't have a garden, but I panicked!"

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Quick! sell me a lure,any lure,I just found an empty compartment in my tackle box.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

Crap Nav

'Forget his mother. He wants to talk to an agent about selling his story!'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

"Did you order 8000 tins of beans, 10,000 litres of water, 400 bottles of vitamins C tablets, 500 rolls of tin foil. . ."

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"Hello. . . Police? We've been burgled! The bastards have taken all of our soap, hand sanitiser and toilet rolls!"

Gross pig size!

'Some achieve fame. I've achieved a stack of catalogs full of sticky notes.'

Money 'n' Things