Panelist Pillows

"The subject of tonight's discussion is: why are there no women on this panel?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

Would you like to dance?

"Panelist, or moderator, that is the question...."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"The election is underway!"

"The Tories beat the Labour party in the UK. I don't know what those words mean, but let's pretend!"

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Chess on TV

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Voice of the GOP

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Trump Liberty

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.

'He's called that, because he keeps getting licked.'