Pandemic Joke Collector Pillows

"Well this didn't happen in the clinical trials."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

Shark infested custard!

My daddy ate my homework

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

Cheating Death.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

Beware of balloon dog.

'You MAY feel a teeny-tiny pin-prick..'

"Dogs are men."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'