Painting Skeptic T-Shirts

"We were already in this room—I remember that hideous Renoir."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"I don't know what happened, your holiness! I painted the ENTIRE CEILING!"

Man getting hot looking at picture of desert.

"My method of painting is pointillism."

A Christmas tree self portrait

Hazards of mouse painting

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

Artist Retrospective.

Two New Paintbrushes

Little girl imitating a painting in an art gallery

Alberto Giacometti.

Eugene Delacroix

A Night In the Art Gallery

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

"The last doggy bag."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

Queuing for a Turner, Whistle, Monet exhibition in the rain - 'Atmospheric, isn't it?'

'You never smile at me like that!'

The Worst Date Ever

'It was one of the great notes and was played by Beethoven and Lennon.'

Man: 'Hey WOW, it's true! Her eyes DO follow you around the room!'

"Landscapes are nice but have considered painting still lifes?...maybe apples?"

"Oh, so the big famous painter doesn't have time to visit his mother and paint her portrait, is that it?"

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

Artist painting a dancer.

Woman shops while man sets up noose. "Do I go with bright white, deep white...."

"I love what you do with low-hanging fruit!"