Pain Relief Pundit Pillows

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"Say aaargh!" (Dentist presents his bill to a patient).

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

'Not a problem. Our industry is self-regulated. In fact, I'm scheduled to jump off the roof right after this meeting.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"If the medication we're giving you has side effects then we have some pills that may help."

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

"Where does it hurt?"

"Now, you may feel a little pressure..."

'This won't hurt.'

'I think your doctor gave you the wrong note, Sir. We don't have any bread and milk.'

'My earthly body is still in the doctor's waiting room.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

'If it starts to hurt, just wiggle your ears.'

'My chiropractor has made me feel so good, I thought it was time I got rid of my pills.'

'Okay, where's your chair?' - 'I've decided to squat for 8 hours a day to build my thighs.' - 'Won't that hurt?' - 'Fortunately, I've developed a massive pain tolerance by sitting opposite you for so long.'

'It's the perfect life. When the Dow is up, we make a fortune on our stocks. When the Dow is down, we make a fortune on new patients.'

"Well, those placebos are obviously not working so I'm going to prescribe a much stronger dose."

'Back pain? The beef stew is just laced with analgesics.'

A tiny man squeezing a giant's head in a vice

'You're less likely to become addicted buying the expensive brand name, than the cheaper generic.'

Prescrip. Drug Prices.

'So what'll it be; novocain or profanity?'