Pages And Punches Enthusiast Gifts

"So, what are you reading?"

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Rare Books

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'I'd steer clear of the rum punch.'

Bibliomaniac

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

Self Raising Flour

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Martial Arts

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

"We should have taken a eweber."

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

Attorney Punching Bag

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

Cat boxer

Oh, don't worry about my husband — he's out of town on his silly ninja business.

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

'This is a crash course.'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

"Ok! Not the best technique but good power!"

The Karate Master

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

Ninja Rule no#1: never wear corduroy.