Page-turner Aficionado T-Shirts

'Couldn't finish it. I got reader's block.'

Books. As seen online!

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"Really, there was no need to regurgitate the whole thing."

"Can we just wait until they make the film?"

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Gunter Grass

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Stephen Spender.

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Noel Coward.

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

My Literary Influences

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Ironing Punctuation

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

"What would you recommend to hold a seven-year-old girl's attention in a car from East Seventy-eighth Street to Bridgehampton?"

Library

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

Reading

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."