Pagan Rituals Pillows

Naturists feelings of joy evaporate when a slug climbs up his arse

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

"If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad?"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Do you kneel to pray in church? No, we stand up for our rites.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Ganges

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

"I think it would look better over there!"

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

'After scraping my tongue, flossing my teeth, brushing my teeth, whitening my teeth and gargling, I'm hungry all over again!'

Indian Face Painting

Nadal's bottles

Your dinner is in the coven.

For Witches of a Certain Age

Snowboy becomes a Snowman.

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

'To think it was me who suggested you took up an interest like basket-weaving...'

Make love and war

Yes, Wiccan!

Families barbecue in their back yards while a pagan ritual sacrifice takes place.

'I do like a smoke afterwards.'

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

"The baby apologises for missing the Christening, he had an urgent appointment."

Dowsing for Coffee

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

Woman indicates church's no-smoking sign: "Does this mean no more burning of incense?"

'More tea, Wicca?'

"Except for the actual sacrifice, all this is largely symbolic."