Oxygen Tank Collector Gifts

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Can you believe that people inhale the gases we expel-sick, right?"

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

"Let's hope it'll work!"

Baby blanket.

Man with candle in thought bubble, "Ideas before Edison"

'What is it, Gassy? Is Timmy in trouble?'

As you like it - One way of catching fish

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

'Are you sure energy efficient isn't just a nice way of saying you're not too bright?'

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

"No, I'm scarier."

Salmon with a gas mask.

Turkey Dinner and gravity

'They gave me this new cubicle with my own water fountain, treadmill, lunch dish... hey, wait a minute!'

Mon is reading by the light of the eye of providence.

'Joe said he had some special bulbs.'

Trees are the lungs of the planet!

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Spot Light

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

Air Bill